tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post739925901017406314..comments2022-12-11T06:13:09.823-08:00Comments on Daughters of Mormonism: Episode 21: No rest for the busyUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-25185153391794490452015-07-01T15:15:10.237-07:002015-07-01T15:15:10.237-07:00Hello, Anonymous. First of all, you are very welco...Hello, Anonymous. First of all, you are very welcome. And secondly, I'm so glad the podcast is giving you some sanity and validation for where you're at right now in your life. <br /><br />Thank you for leaving your comment. It always does me good to know that these words and stories are still being heard. Sybilhttp://daughtersofmormonism.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-34384471456982149272015-07-01T15:05:44.022-07:002015-07-01T15:05:44.022-07:00Sybil, I want you to know that you are still fill...Sybil, I want you to know that you are still filling a need with Daughters of Mormonism podcasts. I have no one that I can relate to IRL, so you and FMH are keeping me sane. I wish I'd been ready to find your podcasts sooner, but I'm here now. I'm listening to them from this site and also from iTunes. Thank you! Thank you! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-52851670149502226112012-08-14T18:22:14.609-07:002012-08-14T18:22:14.609-07:00Thank you for your comment, Pamela. It's so tr...Thank you for your comment, Pamela. It's so true that finding balance is a challenge. Sybilhttp://daughtersofmormonism.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-22897858609099588842012-08-13T20:08:07.529-07:002012-08-13T20:08:07.529-07:00This was a wonderful podcast. It is something that...This was a wonderful podcast. It is something that I have considered for a very long time. I am an active member, and it is difficult to find that balance between the appropriate amount of church involvement and everything else. <br /><br />I truly enjoy this podcast. It is comforting to hear other women in the church and to know that I am not alone in my feelings. I enjoy new insights and clarity. I hope all the best Sybil, thank you!! <br /><br />And yes I usually listen through the podcast than the website. Pamelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07081508224306622907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-6640309535597941432011-10-22T15:55:33.827-07:002011-10-22T15:55:33.827-07:00Amen to connection = life!Amen to connection = life!Staceynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-32363914743635779122011-10-09T15:45:08.725-07:002011-10-09T15:45:08.725-07:00"much more satisfied parents and children who..."much more satisfied parents and children who know their father, their mother, and have time with both." This is such a beautiful blessing for you and your children. I mean, isn't true connection what life is really about?Sybilhttp://daughtersofmormonism.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-91626760204189809672011-10-08T11:31:25.373-07:002011-10-08T11:31:25.373-07:00Sybil,
I came back to read the comments here beca...Sybil,<br /><br />I came back to read the comments here because this is till my favorite podcast with your voice sharing your thoughts in such a richly open and thoughtful way and the ability you have to open others up in the same way. <br /><br />This idea of busyness is not just a "Mormon" idea, it is western culture saddled with a mormon theology. I like to emphasize in my mind that Mormonism is a North American religion firmly established on the back of western culture which prizes achievement over everything else. The church has effectively transmuted that cultural norm into achievement for men in the heirarchy of the church. That is why they take successful business men and make them leaders at the ward and stake level.<br /><br />Like my ex and I often talk about the oppression of men in the church who are successful in giving all to their work and the church, they lose the intimacy of being a true partner with their wife and a true father to their children because they are never there. My oldest has a hard time remembering his dad before he was 12 because of this situation. (We left the church when my oldest was 13)<br /><br />Our new model of family consists of two homes, four adults, varying schedules and sometimes tired, but much more satisfied parents and children who know their father, their mother, and have time with both. It is what works best for us. It is what allows all of us to live and love and honor what is most valuable.Staceynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-4100721995917117702011-10-07T08:50:18.709-07:002011-10-07T08:50:18.709-07:00Barrie Jo, I am really struck by your wording of n...Barrie Jo, I am really struck by your wording of needing "to GET IT DONE because it needs to be recorded." Why should the record be so important? And especially at the expense of living a good life? Your efforts are good enough. After all, it's a volunteer organization. They should be grateful for anything you do.Sybilhttp://daughtersofmormonism.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-71538911302571566182011-10-06T15:42:22.851-07:002011-10-06T15:42:22.851-07:00Thank you for this podcast. I have been strugglin...Thank you for this podcast. I have been struggling with this "busy-ness" in the Church for a while. I try to do what I can with the callings that I have been given, but I need my downtime. I work 40 hours a week, and I try to do what I can to keep my mind and body healthy. In addition, I need my time with my husband to maintain a healthy relationship. Sometimes I feel the callings (one being visiting teaching) can tip my balance. I feel that there is this demand to GET IT DONE because it needs to be recorded and less about the needs and relationship that visiting teaching is supposed to be. It's about the numbers. One Sunday I was asked if I did my visiting teaching for the month, and I replied that my month was too full. I didn't tell her that I have work, family in town to visit, and numerous other events. Her response was, "Will you please call your sisters?" My heart was crushed and suddenly felt like I wasn't good enough. That my best efforts to do what I can in my life wasn't good enough. I was so frustrated. Thank you for this. I am happy that there are others who see this "busy-ness" as well!Barrie Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15033125559917251631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-59667219324309421072011-09-07T12:59:57.220-07:002011-09-07T12:59:57.220-07:00Thanks to all of you who took the time to comment....Thanks to all of you who took the time to comment. It really helps to know you are out there listening. And thank you for all the personal words of encouragement. <br /><br />Gail, you are part of my intended audience. It brings me hope that men like you are listening. And thank you for bringing your ex-wife to Daughters of Mormonism. <br /><br />tiny mosquito, way to go turning down the busy work calling! That takes courage after we've been so thoroughly conditioned to "accept any calling because it's from God." <br /><br />Kate, Audrey, and Amber, I'm working on an idea to spread things out more ... we'll see what comes to fruition. <br /><br />Audrey, as I read you comment, I could feel your exhaustion. I hope you are able to find a way to tip the scales back toward a more relaxed and peaceful spirituality.<br /><br />masterdmjg, Jenne is now on the calendar. I'll interview her later this month. :-)<br /><br />Descent, thanks for the website feedback. I wonder why it loads so slowly. Hm. And thanks for the feedback about the short pieces. I've thought of doing more of them. <br /><br />CPS, my heart aches for you that your mother only sees your worth as connected to the church. I am so very sorry. This is not what Jesus was about. I had to smile at "trying to appear less competent at church just to avoid the "heavy duty" callings." Great strategy.<br /><br />JP, I love you suggestion to include older women. Thus far, I've been recording with women who approached me. I might put out a call for voices from this age group ...<br /><br />Liz, I'm also childless. There will be more about this in the future.<br /><br />Ziff, I was at your Sunstone presentation. It is interesting to note how often the male leaders joke about this imbalance. And I completely agree with your "Bleeaargh!" to Oak's talk. <br /><br />Alisa, it makes me sad to think of how much depression is caused by trying to live up to the Mormon ideal for women. I empathize with how you "broke" under the weight of it. I hope things are getting better for you.<br /><br />Thanks again for all the comments to help me see that there are so many of you who care about this podcast.Sybilhttp://daughtersofmormonism.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-1118589765099431612011-09-04T14:37:14.381-07:002011-09-04T14:37:14.381-07:00Oh Sybil, finally catching up on your episodes and...Oh Sybil, finally catching up on your episodes and want to tell you: DON'T STOP! You know how much I admire you, I hope, and would really love to help you out in anyway. I know we've already talked about this but this project means a significant amount to me and many other people. <br /><br />At the same time, trimming things in your life to be a better family member makes sense. Do what you need.amber_mtmchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17871256362646081536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-74807314249116466672011-08-31T20:32:21.279-07:002011-08-31T20:32:21.279-07:00I have just discovered your podcast, and I have be...I have just discovered your podcast, and I have been listening through itunes. I downloaded all the back podcast to listen to, also. It speaks to me on a level that most Church lessons do not, and I appreciate not feeling so odd or alone.Krishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15219680199388110731noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-71184375210213781892011-08-31T11:06:10.922-07:002011-08-31T11:06:10.922-07:00I am coming to this episode oh so late, but just w...I am coming to this episode oh so late, but just wanted to say thank you for this and the message here. This very long to-do list has driven me sick as I tried to be the best Mormon I could be. I couldn't do it eventually, and everything crumbled for me. I sunk into a very deep depression in 2007 after the Mothers Who Know talk, not for any feminist reason (although I do call myself a feminist), but merely because I was so tired, and the talk added too many things to my to-do list and I broke. Just broke. I could no longer do everything I was supposed to do.<br /><br />I think the work you are doing on this podcast is so very important, and I love it (even if I am so far behind!). Do what is right for you, ask for help, but please know that your work has great worth and is so appreciated.Alisahttp://www.the-exponent.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-44653208787386747332011-08-26T23:16:00.128-07:002011-08-26T23:16:00.128-07:00Sybil, I've really enjoyed your podcast. Selfi...Sybil, I've really enjoyed your podcast. Selfishly, I hope you're able to work it out either with less frequency or more help from others so you can continue it. But I definitely agree with everyone else who has said we understand you have to live your life first and not let podcasting suck it away!<br /><br />Specifically regarding the topic of Mormon women and the list of stuff to do, and "no other success can compensate for failure in the home, unless it's in the church" (great line!), I presented at Sunstone a few years ago on the statements GAs make about their wives in General Conference. I wasn't analyzing it specifically for this characteristic, but the issue you mentioned did seem to come up pretty regularly: GAs would joke about how their wives had to do all the raising of the kids, or how they (the GAs) didn't know how to run the household appliances because they were never home, or whatever. So just another bit of data supporting your conclusion. And as you said so well, this model is what's being taught by the Church.<br /><br />Also on the same topic, one comment that's always grated on me is something Elder Oaks said in his <a href="http://lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/good-better-best?lang=eng" rel="nofollow">"Good Better Best"</a> talk a few years ago. He was talking about potentially reducing time spent in church meetings, but he concluded:<br /><br />"But here is a caution for families. Suppose Church leaders reduce the time required by Church meetings and activities in order to increase the time available for families to be together. This will not achieve its intended purpose unless individual family members—especially parents—vigorously act to increase family togetherness and one-on-one time."<br /><br />So the metamessage here is loud and clear: The Church owns your time, every last bit of it, and will only release bits of it back to you if the leaders (who of course know better than you) can be sure you'll put it to appropriate use. Bleeaargh!Ziffhttp://zelophehadsdaughters.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-6078322748011760232011-08-19T12:13:24.117-07:002011-08-19T12:13:24.117-07:00Fabulous podcast. Sorry I'm late posting; I...Fabulous podcast. Sorry I'm late posting; I've been catching up. This podcast fills a need for me. A friend and I were discussing how awesome it is that there is finally a podcast dedicated to and run by Mormon women. <br /><br />What is helpful to me are the bits that deal with aspects of women aside from motherhood. I don't have kids and don't want kids. I respect and admire women who choose to have children, and love hearing their stories, but I struggle to connect with tales of giving birth and breastfeeding because I don't see that in my future (although if that changes I feel much better educated on how to handle it!) That's my two cents. Thanks for giving women a voice. It is needed. I would love to help with keeping this going if I can!DefyGravityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06146916220917369607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-68497336788846550222011-08-10T14:27:31.776-07:002011-08-10T14:27:31.776-07:00I'm also listening through iTunes. This has be...I'm also listening through iTunes. This has been an excellent podcast thus far. I don't have any recommendations as to content--I'm generally interested in thoughtful discussions about Mormonism and appreciate the gender lens Daughters of Mormonism provides. Of all the online Mormonesque communities, I have heard myself speaking through several of the voices on your podcast, and this has been a source of great comfort as I sit with the discomfort of a faith transition and try to decide what this means for me and my relationship to Mormonism going forward. Thank you for the work you have done!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-35211830621780200972011-08-10T12:39:25.991-07:002011-08-10T12:39:25.991-07:00ooo you so feisty. Put Tommy on blast! lolooo you so feisty. Put Tommy on blast! lolPolly Annanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-53650638214993828962011-08-05T10:50:00.381-07:002011-08-05T10:50:00.381-07:00Just wanted to let you know that I'm another i...Just wanted to let you know that I'm another iTunes listener. I have so appreciated your podcast! I think it has done more for my personal growth and acceptance of self than many other things. So, thank you! While I hope you are able to continue in some aspect, I fully understand and appreciate your need to do what is best for you. Please know that even if you were to fully stop at this point, your current efforts have made a difference!Kerrynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-76755881342598556872011-08-04T08:57:25.979-07:002011-08-04T08:57:25.979-07:00I just wanted to say that I have been listening on...I just wanted to say that I have been listening on iTunes and love the podcast so far! I listen on my iPod on the way to work and I love hearing the stories of women who are trying to find their faith journey within and without Mormonism. I follow several other Mormon podcats including Mormon Matters, Mormon Expression and The Round Table. I particularly enjoy the podcasts by and for women because I feel a special spirit of sisterhood when I listen. It's like a special relief society just for me.<br />Thanks!<br /><br />P.S. The Round Table produces a monthly 3-part podcast which seems to be a good level of frequency. I think that you shouldn't feel you have to compete with other podcasts that produce more frequently. What you may lack in frequency, you make up in quality of content!Catherine Rainshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01095476032792143856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-20675885937690271252011-08-03T10:19:44.625-07:002011-08-03T10:19:44.625-07:00I've been meaning to come on here and comment....I've been meaning to come on here and comment. I've been listening on Itunes and this is my favorite podcast. I really look forward to each new episode. I feel you are filling in a much needed niche in the lds community focusing on women. Someone mentioned your voice, you do have a great presence and spirit about you that one can tell just from hearing you. I think this is the beginning of something wonderful, it would be a shame to see it end. I like the idea of shorter podcasts if need be, even once month, delegating to others that could help you. Have you thought of making a facebook group where you can pull in others ideas and get more involvement from others so it's not all rested on your shoulders? Anyways, I'll make an effort to be more involved here, I just happen to listen to the podcasts while I'm out and about so don't get the chance to come on here and comment right away, but I LOVE how you link to the specific resources that were talked about in your podcast.islandgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11594751238297205394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-54787773000680285562011-08-03T08:47:46.120-07:002011-08-03T08:47:46.120-07:00I'm another iTunes listener. I just wanted to ...I'm another iTunes listener. I just wanted to leave a comment and let you know how much I appreciate what you're doing with Daughters of Mormonism. I absolutely love the podcast and wait anxiously for each new episode. I hope the project will continue!Chelseahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17809929710257793614noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-72958364164280551412011-08-02T09:35:22.633-07:002011-08-02T09:35:22.633-07:00Sybil,
I have enjoyed this podcast. I listen via ...Sybil,<br />I have enjoyed this podcast. I listen via iTunes and don't visit the site very often only because I am busy! Right at the present time, though, my busyness is due to going back to school to change my field. I am approaching retirement age, but am looking forward to a new career in another field that I love. (I love my first field, too!)<br />The only suggestion I would make is to include some older women. From what I have heard, I have only heard one woman who sounds like she might be middle aged. There are lots of us who have raised our children and are looking at a new life ahead of us. We also remember the 1980s with the ERA movement and all of the trials of that time. I'm hearing things now that I heard then. I was much more outspoken then and while I may not say everything that I think now, I still understand and remember and feel what all of our sisters went through then and are still going through now. Amazing how things stay the same (or at least very similar).<br />This is not the church that I joined almost 40 years ago. I have watched teachings and opinions become more limiting with less room for imagination and hope. I have contended for many years, and still do, that the majority of the church is missing out on the big picture and that most are going to be surprised when we pass into the next life and find it is not the pretty little picture shown in church videos. Of course, to be fair and honest, I hope it's not me who is surprised. My life has not followed the "traditional" path and I've felt that I've been led in the unconventional life that it has taken. While I have my share of regrets in poor choices I have made, the place I am at now is a place that I can live with. <br />I support your efforts, Sybil, and I appreciate what you have done with this podcast. I hope you can find some help with the podcast to ease your burden so you can have a life, too. You are a very skilled interviewer and I have enjoyed listening to you. I wish you peace.<br />JPAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-89633316649383682432011-08-01T13:50:38.333-07:002011-08-01T13:50:38.333-07:00iTunes listener here too, but I am happy to stop b...iTunes listener here too, but I am happy to stop by here instead to help your numbers become more concise.Sister NotSohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14506411541541276712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-46968165565181975672011-08-01T12:11:01.464-07:002011-08-01T12:11:01.464-07:00Dear Sybil,
I am also an iTunes listener. I tend t...Dear Sybil,<br />I am also an iTunes listener. I tend to be out of doors a lot during the summer so I load everything on my iPod and go. I have been with DoM from the beginning and love it. It has helped me think about things in different ways and also comforted me in my restless devotion to church and all things LDS. But I can also understand how it could become extremely time-consuming and threaten to take over your time so I certainly honor your wish to achieve balance. I second Kate's proposal that you spread the responsibility out to those who would be willing to become involved at a higher level than lay listeners. I count myself among those who would be willing to help with research, brainstorming, etc.<br /><br />Now, about the podcast on busyness. I listened to it twice because this issue is one of my greatest struggles with church. I live in a very small branch in the Northeast. We average 50 people in attendance each Sunday yet we provide a full slate of programs. In the 21 years I have lived in this branch I have been in leadership for 15 of them, and 11 of those years were as president of one auxilliary or another (I'm currently RS president, which in this branch is about six callings in one). Four of the six "off" years I taught Seminary. <br /><br />A couple of weeks ago I approached the Branch President and told him I was emotinoally exhausted from the heavy burden I have carried for so many years. He was sympathetic but clearly did not really understand. I should be joyful in service, right? But the joy has been completely sucked out of me when it comes to church. I dread Sunday mornings and resent my church bag, which feels more like a briefcase I pick up on my way to work. I dread having the telephone ring. And I really resent feeling like I need permission to take off for a weekend to vacation with my family or visit with friends. I am 51 years old and should not have to consult with others before I go out of town on a weekend!<br /><br />This past Sunday, in our joint RS/P meeting, the BP, who is a great guy, really - decided we all should work on our "I am a Mormon" profile pieces. I guess we've added this to our list of 23 goals for each member of the branch. Instead of a spiritual experience this session felt more like something you would do at a corporate retreat.<br /><br />Briefcases, jobs, corporate workshops - this is not a spiritually uplifting way to spend the sabbath. And when you look at the list of expectations thrust upon you by others you feel like you are beginning your week already days behind. It is discouraging and exhausting to live in a beehive rather than in a sacred grove.<br /><br />P.S. My husband is not a member of the LDS church and I cannot tell you how many times I have inwardly rejoiced about that. One thing I found when the kids were little was we did not need a specific night for FHE because most nights we were home together, working on schoolwork, playing games or watching a favorite television show. And because he is not a member I have never thrown myself totally into my callings - he would not understand the church coming before our family life and, frankly, I did not want it to either. So I've often felt guilty for beinga less than great Primary, YW or RS preeident. I guess it's a sign of the desperation my branch feels for any warm body to fill a position that they still want half-hearted me!Audreynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8274592518251824657.post-35746543041391866362011-08-01T10:20:35.434-07:002011-08-01T10:20:35.434-07:00Hi Sybil,
I also listen straight from your website...Hi Sybil,<br />I also listen straight from your website so may have already been counted. However, for the week or two before this particular podcast, every time I tried to listen to a podcast, when I'd try to push play, nothing would happen. Perhaps I don't know what I'm doing... but if it was a wider felt issue, perhaps that is part of the reason your numbers were declining. Also, while a lot of listeners have commented, I would bet that many others haven't but still appreciate you. <br /><br />I've listened to each of your podcasts at least once and many of them twice. I'm so grateful for your sacrifice and willingness to help us all out by providing a podcast of interesting and diverse interviews and topics. You have made a huge difference to my life, although I've never commented (before today) to say thank you…so... THANK YOU!!! <br /><br />I was a very devoted life long member until a year ago when my husband and I and our four children left the church. Still, I am fascinated by Mormonism and especially find that your insights and those of the women you interview help me to understand myself (and my history in the church and its impact on me) better. I appreciate what you do but also hope you will take care of yourself in the process.<br /><br />Regarding this podcast, my parents were very devoted to callings as I grew up. My mother was always a president of RS, YW's, or Primary and usually neglected her family in order to serve. My siblings and I have often discussed how out of balance it felt to grow up in a home where the church came first and we seemed to come last. In fact, several of us have confessed to each other to trying to appear less competent at church just to avoid the "heavy duty" callings… in order to protect our time with our families.<br /><br />When I disclosed our disaffection from the church, my mother made it clear that my worth was completely and only tied to my worthy church membership. She was so destructive and unwilling to love me in spite of my leaving the church that I have had to cut ties off with her to survive and protect myself. Your podcast, coming from a feminine perspective, helps to fill the void that no longer having a mother in my life creates. Thank you, and God Bless You!<br />~CPS :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com